While walking towards our weekly meeting, Rajesh recounted a wrong decision of his life and how adversely it had affected his life. Listening to him, I also recollected a major mistake of my life. I went into a tailspin. Had I not made that mistake how different my life could have been! Both of us realised that though the incidences were in a distant past, the regrets about them remained with us even now. How we wished we could turn the clock back! We proposed that as a topic for our weekly meeting.

“Let’s do a Guided Experience.”

By now we knew the technique of Guided Experience. One of us reads a story and all others follow with closed eyes. The story is in first person and we are to imagine ourselves in that person. In between, there would be pauses allowing time to imagine more about that specific stage of the story.

“I am standing before some sort of court. Breaking the tremendous tension that fills the room, the court clerk solemnly pronounces, “It is the sentence of this court that the accused shall be put to death. Accordingly, you will be abandoned in the desert without food or water.”

Soon I find myself dropped in the middle of a desert.

Now the sun has set. In the twilight I see before me a whitish dome several stories high. I get to my feet and make my way toward it. As I draw closer, I see that the structure is made of a smooth material, a shiny plastic that seems to be inflated with air.

A man dressed in Bedouin garb greets me. A door slides open, and I feel a refreshing rush of cool air. Once inside, I notice that everything is upside down—the ceiling is like a smooth floor from which things are suspended. Noticing my astonishment, the Bedouin hands me a pair of glasses. When I put on the glasses, everything is restored to its normal appearance.

I see the court clerk coming toward me. With a sigh he says that he has been searching for me to explain that there has been a most deplorable mistake, and I’m not the person who should have been put on trial at all. Immediately he leaves through a side door.

Walking a few steps, I find myself with a group of people seated in a circle on cushions. They are elders of both sexes, with varied racial features and attire. “We are the hours, we are the minutes, we are the seconds. We are the various forms of time. Because a mistake was made with you, we will give you the opportunity to begin your life anew. From what point do you wish to start again? Perhaps from your birth, or perhaps from just before your first failure. Reflect on this.” (*)

I try to determine exactly when it was that I lost control of my life, and I tell the elder what happened. (*)

“Very well,” he says, “and what are you going to do, if you return to that moment, in order to follow a different course this time? Bear in mind that you still won’t have any way of knowing what lies in your future.

As the elder falls silent, I see everything around me reversing in light and color, as if changing into the negative of a film. Then everything returns to normal, except that now I find myself back in time at the moment of the greatest mistake of my life. (*)

Here I am, driven to make this mistake. But what is compelling me to do it? (*)

Aren’t there other factors influencing this? What things are steering me toward this decision? (*)

In this situation, this is the best decision that I can take. The circumstances surrounding this moment cannot be changed, and I accept everything that happened as if it was a natural disaster. (*)

I strive to accept that in such accidents, no one is to blame. My weaknesses, my excesses, the intentions of others—in this case none of these can be changed. (*)

I know that if I don’t make peace now by reconciling with this mistake, my future life will only be filled with more of the same frustration. And so, with all my being, I forgive the others involved, and I forgive myself. I accept everything that happened as something beyond my control, and beyond the control of others. (*)

The scene begins to transform, light and dark again reversing as in the negative of a photograph. At the same time, I hear a voice say, “If you can make peace with yourself, reconciling with your greatest mistake, your frustration will die, and you will be able to change your destiny.”

The story ended there, and we shared our experiences.

“Past is not forgotten. It has to be reconciled”. “A set of Guided Experiences contain stories to reconcile with the past.”

Realising the importance of reconciling with the past and the technique of Guided Experience, I moved ahead in my journey to become better human being.

Further sharing in the next mail.

Parimal Merchant Humanist Volunteer

Continue reading more about Journey to becoming better human being part- 36